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MISS HONEY . Matilda: It's true he indulges my tendency to bulge. They never stood a chance. MISS HONEY hurries to pull the cap from NIGEL's mouth. Upon the blackboard is written the alphabet. 4. Matilda is a very intelligent and determined young girl appearing in the Roald Dahl children's book of the same name. You Anyone with a good sense of humor will appreciate them. MRS WORMWOOD has her leg raised up and RUDOLPHO is holding it against his back. But it's a truth empirical Doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it. One day when I'm older, Neigh! Yes, Miss Trunchbull, please, you can! Dip face! She daintily reaches up and captures a figurine of a woman throwing the hammer.]. . . Matilda! 7. Look at you hesitating. to the rules. MATILDA After your first day of school! . Wouldn't you agree, Miss Honey? MR WORMWOODLook what I've just found! LAVENDER puts the wooden spoon back in his hand. Narrator: have you read a whole book? Don't sneer at educated people, Mr. Wormwood. MRS PHELPS MISS HONEY exits behind the stacks as the library scene rolls in. No! Yes! MATILDA I think they do it deliberately, just to annoy me. MATILDA You can use it even after you've hugged them once, too - but don't use it too much, or it will lose impact. If you want to throw the hammer for your country. Harry Wormwood: Flashbulbs go off. Harry Wormwood: MATILDA and ESCAPOLOGIST I told you that was a cheap set. Son, one day, you're gonna have to earn your own living. Harry Wormwood: All the while, AMANDA's screams get louder. You gotta be loud! Okay. But I think it's good for grown-ups to have their own space. In a manner of speaking, yes. Agatha Trunchbull. [He takes out a cigar and takes hold of the baby.] Yes, I know what caveat emptor means, you lowlife liar! WOMAN: She is clearly more emotionally developed than her peers. front bottom. When she was just two years old, her mother died. WOMAN: Well, take another! Come on! The scene changes to the library. [as Harry switches on Matilda's lamp] So go and put some highlights in your hair. The less you have to show, the louder you dress it. Mum, would you like to hear a story? . COUPLE 1 Eight times two is sixteen. We have everything . In my class, that is, er, there is a little girl called Matilda Wormwood. That's not fair! See more ideas about matilda quotes, matilda, quotes. Here's what I think of your lovely [He starts pulling at the book as though to tear it apart.]. They say it's a cupboard in her office that she throws children into. Very supple. A model of a grand old house rolls in from the back of the stage. Why don't you run away? Let me tell you something, son. An exception. Hello! Agatha Trunchbull: . Matilda: As long as you enjoyed the cake. Harry Wormwood: 9:17, suspect exits domicile. [He throws the phone to the lackey.] I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away. I have my ion you. My mummy says I'm a lousy little worm. Don't let her win. My skin looks just revolting in this foul, fluorescent light. You're better off raising tomatoes. Imagine what she is going to do to a horrible, squeaky little goblin like you, boy. You should be embarrassed. We all get carried away sometimes. Harry Wormwood: That love and fate and a touch of stupidity Mrs. Wormwood: | But the one thing . My mummy says I'm a miracle. MRS WORMWOOD and RUDOLPHO MISS HONEY, BIG KIDS, and CHILDREN "Come with me, and I'll show you why it's called the Shrieking Shack.". Agatha Trunchbull: They're like insects: they should be got rid of as early as possible. Yes, your teacher. Agatha Trunchbull: Miracle! Are you listening? You make money? MISS TRUNCHBULL I think they just fit. Amanda Thripp: How dare they speak to me like that! Then your mummy is a twit! Suddenly, out came the Escapologist, dressed as usual in his tights and spangly costume. MISS HONEY is left in a pile stage right. Are you being smart with me? Oh, y -, [she notices that the chocolate box lid is opened and hangs up]. . MRS WORMWOOD If you always take it on the chin and wear it, I'm afraid I've not been too successful in getting others to recognize your . MISS HONEY The CHILDREN, save BRUCE, but including MISS HONEY, hide under the desks. The group sets off party poppers down the line. MRS WORMWOOD MATILDA (Bruce!) I mean, my mum wanted me to stay at home with her. He stands up on a block. ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage] And if you want to make the team, That is the biggest hug in the world. Just you wait for phys-ed. MATILDA's classmates enter hesitantly from the front of the stage. It's your father who's going to federal prison. It was the age of wisdom . Matilda might never have discovered her great own strength of mind, were it not for the events that began on the very next day. "A contract was signed to perform this feat, and perform this feat you shall! The scene unfreezes. And today is a very special day: your first day of school! It is flanked by AMANDA and ERIC in lab coats over their costumes. And good luck with the Tolstoy. Jack and Jill went up the hill Are you going to tell me a story or not? [Looking irritated, she makes her way to BRUCE's side.] MRS PHELPS Oliver Twist . . Where are you going? What am I thinking? If you sit around and let them get on top, you Extra strong. This miracle . Zinnia Wormwood: Yes, sir. Over the course of the song, she writes on the board: "Copy one million times by tomorrow. In other words, a pick-up line is an icebreaker or a conversation opener. Come in, come in, whoever you are. They are all dressed in costume: Eric as Batman, Tommy as the . As I stepped up to the circle, did I change my plan? These are the best hilarious pick up lines we've got, so if you can manage a decent delivery, you've got great odds you'll have her smirking, smiling, laughing, and eager to get closer. MAN: I think he blinked. [He stomps and crouches on the floor, pulling at his hat and making sounds of exertion. NIGEL Seven times two is fourteen. But learning a language is over the top . You've not got the spine. This is the cottage from your story. The secret to my success is this. You what? MATILDA Agatha Trunchbull: My word is my law! . And it isn't wide enough to sit. [to MISS HONEY] You don't! If you sit around and let them get on top, you MATILDA Soundtracks, hands the car drill to Mikey, then walks to Matilda, after listing prices of cars bought and sold, he, Zinnia, and Mikey glance at the paper, then at Matilda, Harry takes his first look at Matilda, grunts, and leaves, Harry and Zinnia are leaving the hospital with the baby, mimicking Amanda with a high-pitched tone, everyone in the room except Miss Trunchbull and Miss Honey join in, strikes a desktop with her riding crop and all the children instantly face forward, whacks the desk again with her riding crop, Miss Trunchbull has accused Matilda of going into her house, grabbing and clenching Miss Honey's wrist very tightly in her fist, suddenly mad, she briskly releases her arm from Miss Trunchbull's grip with her free hand, Matilda comes home from school, excitedly. And remember to be extremely careful. BRUCE It was the biggest burp I had ever done. Well, a man is entitled to come home and find dinner on the table, without having to wait for a convention of male strippers! Are you smoking a cigarette? MISS TRUNCHBULL and CHILDREN MATILDA hides the glue behind her back as MR WORMWOOD enters. Yes. Nicholas Nickleby . Behind MR WORMWOOD and MATILDA, the scene changes from a living room to MATILDA's bedroom. Mustn't let a little thing like "little" stop you. Agatha Trunchbull: MISS TRUNCHBULL I didn't do it. A person. . We're rehearsing. A table with the word "Contest" emblazoned on the side is wheeled in. But she was about to discover she had a strength a strength she wasn't even aware of. Mrs. Wormwood: MATILDA [:g-] One look at my face and it's plain to see. A really strong stomach. Hand's shaking. I've got a plane to catch at three. . Who would be here to sign for the packages? MRS PHELPS MR WORMWOOD What've you done with his fingie? MATILDA Why would you want to read when you got the television set sitting right in front of you? Mrs. D? This boy's got no fingie. Mr. Wormwood: You show the little brat! But to me, they tell a deeper story. That makes me so happy. MAN: Take another picture of our angel from this angle over here. The library? What am I gonna do? Matilda: Psst! And you won't be getting "right" there, oh no. LAVENDER Miss Honey: Zinnia Wormwood: What poem would that be? Zinnia Wormwood: And that's not a hint, by the way. Agatha Trunchbull: This child doesn't have a "thingie" . Jenny: Where did you get those? I think we'd better leave it there, Nigel. MR WORMWOOD My school is a model of discipline! MISS TRUNCHBULL It was like the entire world had gathered to see The Burning Woman, Hurling Through the Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair, Over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught By the Man Locked in a Cage. Even if what you got is not a lot. MATILDA The tiniest mite packs the mightiest sting. She's going to be your teacher. . BIG KIDS . His whatchamacallit. Agatha Trunchbull: MR WORMWOOD My mummy says I'm a miracle. The Burning Woman, Hurling Through the Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair, Over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught by the Man Locked in a Cage will be performed, and performed this day, or . MATILDA collects the remains of her book. What's wrong with you? MISS TRUNCHBULL and CHILDREN Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord, Shut up! Desks rise from the ground and a blackboard makes its way from the back of the stage. MISS TRUNCHBULL Aaaargh! MR WORMWOOD grabs his suitcase and exits along with the lackey. Harry Wormwood: . I'm gonna take that no-good jalopy you sold me and shove it up your bazooga! She's reading a book. The CHILDREN and BIG KIDS step back, leaving AMANDA in a spotlight. Chew your food; you're an animal! Look at that! Just knock on the door. Michael chokes the carrot, while putting baby Matilda in the sink to rinse away spinach, Miss Honey briefly nods yes as she leaves to rescue Matilda from the Chokey, Harry walks down to the kitchen, unaware that his hair has just turned an unhealthy platinum blonde, Michael's mouth drops open in shock upon seeing Harry's hair, walks into the dining room and looks in the mirror, throwing marshmallows as Matilda was grabbing the book that was thrown, the Trunchbull's car, sold to her by Harry Wormwood, has broken down, forcing her to haul it all the way back to her house, Matilda and Miss Honey arrive at Miss Honey's cottage, realizes the Trunchbull is Miss Honey's aunt, Matilda and Miss Honey walk past the Trunchbull's house, as the TV explodes, due to Matilda's powers, looks at Miss Honey and warning the children they were watching us, after smashing the entire cake platter over Bruce Bogtrotter's head, causing the children to stop cheering. Dad too. Didn't we? I . I have to tell you, Headmistress, that in . Where is the maggot known as Nigel? That's right, honey, look at mummy. You will soon see there's no escaping tragedy. You and your father think you can make a fool out of me! I'm the best! Matilda? Put your light on. . Where are the children's books? I don't want green hair. Now, here's a tip: The hat rack is taken away. You can adopt me. Right. Tomorrow at one? Jul 25, - Barney Stinson's Harry Potter pick up lines. MATILDA's brother, MICHAEL, lies lazily on a recliner. And therefore, she is guilty! Matilda Wormwood! . Dad says I should watch more TV. [bends down] Yes! Matilda Wormwood! MATILDA Well it's hard for me to remember a specific cake. MATILDA You are a crook. I stole the cake. MR WORMWOOD runs over and grabs MATILDA's book. Besides, even if you didn't do it, I'm going to punish you, because I'm big and you're small, I'm right and you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it! Or just a coincidence? I mean, what else? . Harry Wormwood: How can you be sure unless you have another PIECE? google_color_url="320000"; His do-dah. Semi-Spanish gown Is it some modern miracle of calculus A man in business simply cannot fail to get noticed when he looks like this. 1. //-->. Fifteen times two is thirty. They then saunter off. [Matilda uses her powers to slam her bedroom door in Harry's face just as he reaches it]. MR WORMWOOD tickles him and MICHAEL laughs suddenly, then falls back into his normal dull expression. But wrong. And I'm very sorry . MR WORMWOOD exits while MATILDA runs into her bedroom, flings the door open, and climbs onto her bookshelf. DOCTOR Jenny: She says they make me look pretty! Might she be a little brighter than her class? See! And sailed high up, up above the stands Agatha, This is Magnus. Cute pick-up lines can help you get past the awkwardness of meeting someone for the first time. Trunchbull: . Didn't we?! For being a smart aleck! MISS TRUNCHBULL takes BRUCE by the wrist and leads him off the front of the stage. Ahh! MRS WORMWOOD We're told we have to do what we're told, but surely, Do you think you could tell me what two times twenty-eight is? . [Miss Trunchbull has accused Matilda of going into her house]. Give my little bumblebee her house and her money. Oh Harry Wormwood: . And children in the bottom class aren't really expected to read. Most parents believe their children are the most beautiful creatures ever to grace the planet. Michael: MISS TRUNCHBULL hurries over to AMANDA. . Narrator: And this gown is nothing like the semi-formal, If you sit around and let them get on top, you I can see we're not going to agree, are we? Now, the secret to my success in business is . You're a little cheat, you saw the paper. As the hammer took off, did I change my grunt Matilda turns around and carrot is facing her. Zinnia Wormwood: Even time loves us.". Harry Wormwood: Oh, yes. Don't be pathetic! MATILDA . That didn't happen. You're just wasting energy, The DOCTOR exits and MR WORMWOOD hurries after him. The seed of a war in the creak of a floorboard. MATILDA According to a constitutional law book that I read in the library, if you don't have one, you could lose your job or even go to federal prison. We can have our cake and eat it , Ah-ah-aah-ah 10. You really don't know anything, do you? Did you hear what he said? Matilda: NIGEL Matilda: [She stands and approaches MISS HONEY menacingly, towering over her.] . As I started my spin, did I look at the view? And I say that criminals like you are not full until you have eaten the entire cake. Someone told her I did it, but I never! MATILDA and ACROBAT [off stage] [walking out of the room excitedly] To stand up and be proud! For this newt you pin-worm! Mr. Wormwood: . Sing, children. Did I let myself go. . [Michael's mouth drops open in shock upon seeing Harry's hair]. I'll tell you tomorrow. MISS HONEY turns and sees MISS TRUNCHBULL watching various video screens playing footage of her Olympic games while an announcer narrates dimly in the background. My daddy says I'm his special little guy. Before I first heard the pealing of the bell. Get out of it! It was the biggest burp I had ever heard, the biggest burp I had ever heard about. . MRS WORMWOOD Just knock on the door. . MATILDA Dearest pie, how old is Matilda? WOMAN: Smile for mummy! 1. | You are guilty, because you are a fiend. Aren't you supposed to be in school, young lady? I sold it for $999. . MRS PHELPS is sitting on a block and MATILDA is standing on one, holding the two dolls. What's the matter, Bogtrotter? And please don't say "the gym.". Well I had to take a shower, Harry! What do you think it took to become English Hammer Throwing Champion 1969? Do all those brains in your head give you a headache? MATILDA 3. "Bambinatum est magitum." Stop me when this becomes true, but once upon a time, you and I went on a date. You But she is a squib. MATILDA sits to the side, reading a book. But here it is, coming true: My daddy says I'm his special little . [walks into the dining room and looks in the mirror] [He does a split in front of MISS HONEY. . (Bruce!) RUDOLPHO starts dancing with and carrying around MISS HONEY, which he continues to do throughout the song. CHILDREN So she's learned a few tricks. And I will teach you a thing or two. Harry Wormwood: Now get out. Her father was a doctor, and he needed someone to look after things at home. Do you think I would allow myself to be defeated by these maggots, do you? "tomato"? If you cooperate, we'll make sure it's a nice orphanage. Is a miracle! You I heard Meowth's not the only mischievious pussy in town. What about me, then? Loud, loud, loud, loud! You don't need happiness or self-esteem. MR WORMWOOD the Acrobat's sister, a frightening woman who used to be an Olympic-class hammer-thrower, who loved nothing better than to scare the children of the town. Over a drink. The DOCTOR and the CHILDREN sing into their stethoscopes. Look at mummy. . Dance competition's over. One look at my face and it's plain to see. I believe that . DOCTOR and CHILDREN You have brats yourself? You are a thief! "So I hear you are the Head Girl of your house". Children are maggots! Trunchbull: 2. Miss Trunchbull kept the whole school late because this boy ate some chocolate cake. Hey, sleep with me.I am not scary.I'm really rich.I'm Drew Carey. Mr. Wormwood: With powers, the carrot flies into his mouth. He loves having me around. Mind? If you're stuck in your story and want to get out, MATILDA Someone poured a whole can of syrup onto Trunchbull's chair. MISS TRUNCHBULL's office, complete with her in a high-backed chair (facing the back of the stage) is wheeled in. [She presses an intercom on her desk.] DOCTOR The fibers fused to my hair! Agatha Trunchbull: google_ad_format="120x90_0ads_al_s"; It's Miss Honey. I'm great! celebrities! But it's a truth empirical. Another flaming book? Bambinatum! Of course! And . MATILDA MISS TRUNCHBULL BIG KID [BEN] It's not mine! I have suffered in this Jail, MISS HONEY What a pleasure to see you. Of course I am. Oh, my word, he's an ugly little thing. The cars will break down. DOCTOR [loses it, to Matilda] Oh, yeah. guy . MRS PHELPS Two times . She exits, not before scratching her behind and wiping her nose. And you know where you'll end up? [Harry takes his first look at Matilda, grunts, and leaves]. I'm sorry, doctor. I don't want any, thank you. Goofs WOMAN: That's right, honey. His fingie. The gate rolls away. Oh, let's put it this way. I hope you've enjoyed these lines and had a laugh! It was the biggest burp I had ever heard. Who is this, babe? You shall be destroyed. Before my happy days were over, 2. What're they going to do, repossess the kid? Or even two, Bruce, Wormwood! [interrupting] All right. A denizen of the underworld! . I have all these extra. Gloria Magitum! Go on, then! MR WORMWOOD There's nothing you can get from a book that you can't get from a television faster. Stop being pathetic, Jenny. MISS TRUNCHBULL He did what you asked. They embrace and exit out the back of the stage. . . Ciao, Rudolpho. And if you want to teach success, CHILDREN No one's going to listen if you don't shout. But not just to see their skill, but also to see their love for each other, which was so deep that it was said that cats would purr as they passed them, and dogs would weep with joy. Best dirty pick-up lines 1. I don't believe Matilda's that kind of child at all. You'll never again be subject to abuse for your immense caboose. AMANDA Michael, pencil and paper, in the kitchen. Me, me, me, me. MISS HONEY In . Harry Wormwood: MATILDA gazes at their dramatic display non-chalantly and holds out a palm to them. You see, he fell asleep, and we put him under the coats for safety. MR WORMWOOD She uses the umbrella to bring down the hat and starts lining it with glue.]. . Used to compete in the Olympics, throwing the hammer! He had meant to say, "When a child is bad." MATILDA DOCTOR The entire assembly will stay five hours after school and copy from the dictionary! The desks descend into the ground. But the thing was, I was having a lot of trouble with my belly. . Miss Jennifer 'Jenny' Honey: Matilda, you promised you wouldn't go back into that house. Oh, that's where it's at! LAVENDER Ahh! She puts it down on the desk behind BRUCE. Good heavens. If anything, caution in these situations is sensible. MISS TRUNCHBULL MRS WORMWOOD Oh, of course. . [the Trunchbull's car, sold to her by Harry Wormwood, has broken down, forcing her to haul it all the way back to her house]. And Jenny's outside. 1. Oh no, Headmistress. Students: MATILDA MRS WORMWOOD We must find out how it ends. 2 0 obj The subsequent fall was inevitable. [throws carrot from the spoon. What have I told you about wearing pigtails? Not even when the hammer left my hands I'm telling you, I didn't do it! Sing, Jenny! Matilda: Whoa! There's a place you are sent if you haven't been good. The Birthday table is wheeled back in by other children. And expensive, $9.25 for a bar of soap? [she shoves Jenny out of her office and slams the door after her]. Maybe I shouldn't tell you any more. When I left my home, Aunt Trunchbull's home, I had to leave all my treasures behind. MATILDA stands at the front of the stage as her classmates walk in and the desks rise from the ground. Piacelli. The story follows Matilda as she interacts with her parents, who fail to see the worth in education, and Crunchem Hall headmistress Agatha Trunchbull. I want to be in school. Matilda centers on Matilda, a young genius with telekinesis powers. I mean, it's got to hurt, all squished in there. [She pauses and realizes what she has done, and slowly lowers her hands.] so our main focus is on cute pickup lines, funny pick up lines, cheesy pick up lines, corny pickup lines, clever pickup lines, bad pick up lines, worst pick up lines, sweet pickup lines, and this list is . You might as well be saying you think that it's okay, But nobody else is gonna put it right for me. I didn't go to college. Whoever painted The Trunchbull must have had a strong stomach. Matilda: The scene changes to the Wormwood's living room. An epic compilation of the funniest ultimate pickup lines compilation from TikTok that you will ever watch!For the best TikTok compilations be sure to subscr. MISS HONEY Ten times two is twenty. All right. Nine times two is eighteen. Calculate this! Agatha Trunchbull: MR WORMWOOD unwraps the blanket that the baby is swathed in. Who you been talking to? And remember to be eXtremely careful. "But we do not have the one thing in the world we want most.". . [She grabs a baton with a yellow ribbon attached to it and starts twirling to the music.] MISS HONEY When the hinges creak and the door is closed, Can't you sell good cars, Dad? My daddy says I would be the teacher's pet! 2. MR WORMWOOD Smells chocolatey, eh? Think about what you want to say, and then say it in a creative, original way. It must be wonderful for a child to be so wanted. 3. Snickerdoodle, what did you do to your hair? Do you need a sin for your next confession? What on earth did you do that for? The CHILDREN reach out from behind the gate as the BIG KIDS carry them away. As a huge cloud of chocolate-y gas wafted from my mouth and drifted across the class. Now sit up and look at the TV. I'll say! You gotta be loud! Just go back to school! A member of the mafia! A NURSE is holding a baby, which cries. in a week. Specialness is de rigueur. This uncorrupted mind. Follow. I can't abandon my children. [everyone in the room except Miss Trunchbull and Miss Honey join in]. The woman from COUPLE 1 blows on a birthday cake as the table splits in two and MATILDA stands from behind it, holding a collection of books from one hand. MATILDA opens a cupboard at the front of the stage. It doesn't really matter if you don't know much! I think in effect, DOCTOR And honestly, I was really, definitely, sort of, almost thinking about owning up. I'll come in there and pound your miserable hide! See who wins. Since you're an educator, I'll make you a deal. MR WORMWOOD If you became ill, heaven forbid, your doctor would be a college graduate. [Jenny enters Ms. Trunchbull's office and almost get struck by a dart]. Whether you like it or not. [His stomach growls.] MRS PHELPS retreats to the smaller block and sits down. I love my school. Has incredible upper-body strength. In all of Hooterville, where there's Hooters supreme, yours are the best of the Hooters I've seen. AMANDA stands up and screams in triumph. MRS PHELPS Come along, Bogtrotter. Now, can anyone read this? Jenny : Quite the contrary. MISS HONEY Mrs. C, Mrs. U, Mrs. L-T-Y! But the "tomato" is a very good word. Have a marshmallow. Trunchbull: I wish my pillow was as huggable as you. BIG KID [BEN] An unhatched tadpole. 19. They say she's going to put me in Chokey! They were written that way: MATILDA THE MUSICAL. My mummy says I'm a miracle. AMANDA and ERIC I'd love to meet her, actually . Miss Honey: Zinnia Wormwood: "The books transported her into new worlds and introduced her to amazing people who lived exciting lives. Even if you're little, you can do a lot. MISS TRUNCHBULL CHILDREN 2 NIGEL lies down on the ground. That I treated the rules with casual disdain? "Just when I catch my breath, you turn around and make me lose it again." Any woman would be flattered with a remark like this.

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