we broke up and he got another girl pregnant

we broke up and he got another girl pregnant

So, in your opinion, anyone who has sex without wanting to get pregnant is an idiot?. Im not saying he did. Men get to abandon freely and pay no child support if they dont want anything to do with the kid? Its not the mans moral fault that he didnt think he would be roped into parenthood by a singular sexual encounter when he was told she was on the Pill.. And if so, Im ready. If she does your boyfriend will deal with the aftermath of having sex without a condom. or if shes just done too many drugs or something and her brain is rotting away. And now I couldnt imagine life without my husband, but Im pretty sure Id live through it (and have) if he werent around. How on earth do you propose to make any of this even for everybody, including the child? slept with someone else. Your logic is weird. Since most of the people here seem to be pretty strong advocates of womens right to choose, to be treated equally, and so on and I agree with those stances it seems backwards, odd, and a double standard to say that men need to be financially responsible if the woman decides he should be and that they should have no say whatsoever in that. He cant be irresponsible and fail to take every reasonable effort to avoid pregnancy (doubling up on BC and using condoms, getting a vasectomy, or only having sex with women he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt also do not want to bring children into the world), and then act surprised and angry when it happens anyways. evanscr05 That means from a mental, obvious, and circumstantial standpoint, the girl is at the disadvantage. At least, as a woman, you have that option. And hopefully this childs mother will, too. So while support is gender-blind, the points that get you to the question of support arent, which kind of means support isnt either. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Sorry for any confusion! April 10, 2012, 6:32 pm. And, you are not the choice. Two. While it would be ridiculous to only have sex if you intended to conceive a child, it should still be in the back of everyones mind that it *can* happen, and if so, the woman, whos burdened with the pregnancy, gets to make the final call. All magically on the pill? But if its not, ITA with Amanda, LW. Im sorry, but sex creates children. People who say that are codependent, melodramatic, or 15. A month after the abortion, while I waited for my luggage at the baggage claim, three babies surrounded me, all under a year. Dr. Sherry, My fianc cheated, we broke up but then got back together. Read the comments. Dont get me wrong, the child should be taken care of and taken responsibility for but it can never be the reason why you do or dont stay together that decision should be based purely on the possibility for a good relationship between you grown ups. But, yet, again you let him back and hoped things would change and he would be with you. Do you have a law to fix that? And oxygen. all the time i thought so until 1 faithful day, i got pregnant. 3. Being on the Pill is akin to saying that youre not interested in having children, so I think its not completely invalid for him to assume she wasnt ready to have children, and to be angry when he ends up being forced into fatherhood.. Iwannatalktosampson Im not saying it doesnt happen, but I find it hard to believe that people who dont take care dont get pregnant and every unwanted pregnancy is always the product of birth control failure. He sounds self-entitled, immature, arrogant, an all around horrible person. female But now no one wants to deal with it. female I actually work in a field that deals with this, and let me tell you, the women who are actually applying for court ordered child support will be lucky to get $400 a month. Maam, hes made a choice. Because when the woman has a baby, she isnt a slave to anything. "The best way to move through a breakup while pregnant is to let the feelings flow," says McDermott. My heart broke into a million pieces. The fact that a child is adopted does not somehow guarantee the theyll be cared for. So the law says, hey, you two created this child, you two are responsible for supporting it. You deserve more than you are getting but if you accept less you will get less! | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms. If you cant handle the though of having a baby, you take precautions (condoms, birth control, vasectomy, abstinence even) and when babies happen, because they do even with protection, you take responsibility for it. Its when I disagree that I usually feel I want to write a comment. The outlet revealed that Tristan's third child, a baby boy, is due on December 3 . WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR BOYFRIENDS PROBLEM. Just feeding on each other and leaving a trail of human wreckage in their wake. Im going out on a very weak limb to say that youre probably a better person than this letter which means youre definitely too good for him. I dont know how Im going to feel about this baby malarky. He made his position very clear very early on. And the legal system that obligates him was in place when he put himself in this position. James Felix Have you ever been in a fling for a good amount of time -- maybe even half a year . I almost lost the fingers on my right hand from it. I cant believe the absurdity of some of these arguments. But, are you willing to pay for his mistakes. I dont think he is a bad person for telling a woman within the first trimester of a pregnancy that he barely knew and presumably made no false impressions to that he did not want a child and had no intention of being a part of that childs life. Furthermore, men should be held at least halfway responsible for the resulting pregnancy and child but should have no authority to decide upon his involvement, even though consensual sex involves both people equally. After reading your comment, all I wanna say is, AfuckingMEN. bittergaymark Image Source. I dont see why the guy should get a free pass for having unprotected sex. You want some advice? Regardless of all my snark, I really hope that if the two of you stay together you dont take your aggravation about the situation out on the child. It doesnt have to toss a ball with you to help with your rehab or take pictures of you with your new arm. There is a chance it isnt his. female Now after checking his texts, why did you confront the other women? when i was single i acted as if the other people i was involved with werent thinking about it. This is the set up for some serious melodrama. In most cases with my clients, the girl is wanting the guy back but the guy is the one who pulled away. I think its more like HIV sufferers are more likely to be honest about how they got it because there isnt a societal blind eye for bullshitting about your personal responsibility for ending up in the predicament. I totally agree with you for reasons you likely already understand. Its not yours to deal with. If a woman wanted to choose to terminate the child, would she be less of a real woman for not stepping up to the responsibility? Dont be so quick to assume every dude who makes an observation about a real phenomenon is some embittered douche full of vitriol; you may learn something in the process. But the important thing for you to know, as the mother of a child who may not ever know their biological father, is that your child wont miss what they never had. February 1, 2014, 11:38 am. Once you decide to have sex you are basically saying that you realize pregnancy is a possibility. Abandoning a child does. reader, confused.i.is+, writes (25 January 2008): All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft. Is this a schtick or do you genuinely dislike women? John Rohan April 9, 2012, 1:23 pm. However, RR, Ill assume that every time youve ever had sex, it has been with someone you wanted in your like as a co-parent and that it was at a time in your life that a child would have been welcomed. I noticed you dutifully avoided addressing that. As Ive gotten older shes told me more details about the situation (they were tenants in the same complex working towards professional education [law and med school] and both around age 30; I was a surprise and he was more dedicated to completing his education, while she wasnt upset that she would be a mother sooner. I showed up late to the hot debate in the comments (damn you work lol), but to put this in perspective for me, I was born to relatively young parents and now at 25, my dad is a few years older then this gem of a man in this letter. It means he or she will know their father, in a sense, and will also have the opportunity to believe that their father just simply didnt want to have anything to do with them. He also lowkey blames me because I initiated the breakup. John Rohan I find it absurd that there is a debate about this guys right to have unprotected sex as if its ever a good idea. Unless youve been there, you dont know. Well get our hands off your uterus when you get your hands off our wallets. She trapped him? Where do stand on the fact that when a pregnancy occurs its only the woman who has to go through either an abortion or childbirth and the man never does either? This desicion has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. yes he doesnt seem like much a catch, but to say he exposed her to STDs! is a stretch. She might not have been on the Pill, but that was a risk that he chose to take by having sex with someone he knew for two minutes without a condom. Wrapping it up doesnt prevent pregnancy. My mother taught me better than that. * However, if you bang and get knocked up by tiger woods (quite possible given his standards) you will be set for life and hence a lottery win is born. evanscr05 It takes two to make a baby. If your ex moved on before you did, you might feel as if they won or wonder why you didn't find someone else . How fast his new relationship is moving. You dont really get a say in this matter. And whether you believe its a child at conception or not, its a scientific fact that conception is what, at the very least, leads to life. You two seems very good at twisting everyones words, and then getting mad at those people for it. Is it fair to a kid to be born into a world where his dad abandons him? I must be bloody kidding myself. from the letter: So, he feels it is best to make things work with her for the sake of his baby. Best of luck. reader, yelyah77+, writes (16 April 2009): A How the heck do you administer THAT?! Do whats best for you, as difficult as that is. SpaceySteph wendy, i love you for leaving the crazies to us! April 10, 2012, 10:27 am, Okay Well, I dont believe the LW has a right to be mad at anyone, simply because her and her boyfriend were broken up when this happened. Addie Pray Painted_lady However, sure, something unexpected and life-altering happened to him, and hes upset, so surely hes an idiot. As a woman, you have control over that. Weird question. This does sound like a lot of cod wallop and baby malarky shenanigans to me as well. 6napkinburger And guess whatthe potential consequences came to life, quite literally for him. I would like to also say, we dont know that shes trapping him. What you would do in her situation is irrelevant. Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. Its not a crime to have unprotected sex, dangerous and irresponsible, but not a crime. Dr. Sherry. But if you are uninterested in a relationship with him because of his newfound drama then walk away sister. Fury at the woman he impregnated is misdirected. Nothing more, nothing less. But in some ways, youre making my point, Francine. Its not JUST about your ex-boyfriend, LW. Adoption is a completely different matter. Ill bet if LW gets pregnant, this guy is gone just about instantly. If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke landygirl. female We learned that in middle school. Find someone without baggage. You deserve better. I love your snark this morning!! SweetsAndBeats No loss there. iseeshiny Its her body, there is a million reasons she might choose to have this child, even if she never so much as speaks to your prince again. Especially if ever precaution was taken (birth control, condoms, etc.). And since shes the one with the baby in HER uterus, theres not a whole lot you can do to force her to have the abortion or stop her from doing so. When you ended it you knew it was over. Yes, the language in the letter is certainly. -Got her pregnant Absolutely, positively, 100% wrong. in whether or not a child is a result here is what all you men should do at like age 18 or whatever. You have a lot of personal issues to deal with, little boy. Because once the innocent kid is here, the fact that he/she was an accident does not mean he/she has less of a need for supportive, involved parents. But, in reality it takes two to have sexual intercourse and two people to make a baby. That is what passes for reality in your world? bittergaymark Go back and reread the original letter starting with the part where hes furious with the woman he impregnated. How long his new relationship has lasted. He didnt give you another child. Nothing in the story suggests that the guy in question was, as you put it, indiscriminate in partner choice and/or birth control. And finally , yes, I do think he should have some right to what happens to that pregnancy, and yes I do think that trapping someone by getting pregnant is repulsive, and so yes, I can understand his anger at the woman if that is what is happening. He says he told her hes not happy about this pregnancy and didnt want a baby and asked her to abort as he was 40 years old. ], Chuck Pelto The next day I text her that we can give it another chance, but she insisted she was not feeling the same . He is going to focus his energy and time with his baby momma, his relationship with her, and making sure his child is born. Ill never understand the chicks who want to blame/curse/fight the other woman like the dude has no part in the whole mess. Men AND women both have decided, well after-the-fact, that no babies is better than having babies. lets_be_honest I think whatever scorn youre heaping onto this woman you should deal evenly to your boyfriend. According to DeCrow, he shouldnt even have to pay child support, because thats fundamentally unfair. Thats why in rear-end situations, the second driver is liable, right? April 9, 2012, 4:51 pm. Is this a valid summary? The vast majority of parents who have at least a rough acknowledgement of their paternity/maternity have joint custody even if the guys a deadbeat. I find it enjoyable to do because it makes him happy, and it turns me on to get him so turned on. Im not sure. I love him so I'm willing to accept the baby. April 10, 2012, 6:37 pm. and if you arent mature enough to deal with those things (as well as the potential for an unplanned pregnancy) dont have sex. Id at least like a comment from the LW, since, as much fun as this has been, I do agree that it seems not unlikely that the letter is contrived. You can have a relationship with someone with a child but you have to be ready for it. April 9, 2012, 11:16 am, Oh, good lord. So, if MEN can be compelled to support children after rape, you must also support the idea that WOMEN can be compelled to support that child in the womb after THEY get raped. When he got back together with her, he should have had himself tested for STDs, which hopefully he did. If you cant live with those outcomes, dont have sex with her. April 9, 2012, 9:56 pm. So, let it be over. Also, there are so many single parents who have adopted. April 10, 2012, 6:52 pm. I cant tell you how many children have grown up thinking something was wrong with THEM because they had a parent who didnt want them. Basically, he is dumping you and moving on. 8 Red Flags that Her Pregnancy is a Trap. I said there and I think it bears repeating here: you have no right to assume the woman you are having sex with has the same views on abortion as you. But, seriously you should both get tested for STDs. I do not think he has a duty to be there for the child he never wanted and made it known he did not want to have with time to do something about it. Well, its possible that he didnt know her at all, but then after coitus he began to get to know her and things went downhill from there. April 9, 2012, 12:13 pm. But then it really IS all about needless solidarity on here as of late to be sure. I thought you were disputing the comments about it being not that contagious by disclosing that you were HIV positive. Its wrong and its not fair, and thats what should be changed, not the fact that a man who voluntarily engaged in activities that everyone knows could result in pregnancy can *gasp* be sued for child support for a kid he doesnt really want.

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